cassieann_69 | (no subject)

Entry tags:

ed venting

(no subject)

I just looked up in archives what I weighed on this day last year.
And i was 10 fucking lbs lighter!
I am such a fat cow.
i don't know how this happened???
WTF is happening to me?
I should never have looked....right?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh my sweet you are not a fat cow, your beautiful just with fluctuating weight like all of us. i know ten pounds sounds like such a lot, but its not even a dress size i dont think, and half of that could be water weight, hey it could all be regaining lost muscle if you have worked out which would make you smaller inch wise...but even if all that is not true, you are beautiful and not fat at all.

love and hugs x

Thank you, I know I'm not "really a FAT COW" but that doesn't change the fact that I feel that way. I have gone up a size in jeans which is REALLY REALLY bothering me. I did not have to go shopping as I have different sizes in my closet and have been this size before. And strangely did not think I was fat at the time??? But you & I both know how this ED plays tricks on our minds. Thank you again for your kind and understanding words. You all make things so much easier to go thru.
((hugs back))

I know last Nov. 30 I was about 6-7 lbs lighter. But I was also very depressed last year around the holidays & hardly ate anything. I remember looking good in the mirror & in pictures but feeling like a wreck inside. All the best. You do look beautiful, tho.'

Jill xo

Yeah, being depressed and feeling like a wreck inside is terrible. And not a good way to lose weight/at least not a good way to lose it and appreciate it...ya know.
This year your weight might be a slight bit higher but you are so much better and you have wonderful baby Autumn:)
And you truly are beautiful. Thank you too for all your kind words and understanding. I need you all so much.
XOXO

Hmm. A year ago I looked decidedly like a man that was beginning to enter his mid 30s. I feel so much better now, although. It is hard looking in the mirror. I have a natural waistline, and it widens for my hip fat, but then goes back down, because my hipbones are decidedly male, and I'll never look like I want to because of that. My hourglass figure will never fully develop.

(just saying that in my own way, I can relate)

You know Marcie I never looked at it that way...(how could I have know?) But at least I know you can relate.
I just wish I could accept it easier and be happy with the way I am. That really is what I want.
Thanks for the comment:)

Its always hard to look back on a time when we were smaller. It never brings any good thoughts to mind. I completely understand what you are going through as I myself last year at this time was like fifteen to twenty pounds lighter. But just think its only ten pounds which is a lot easier to get off than the thirty I need to. You still look great hon and I'm sure you will have no problem losing that ten pounds that could be water weight. Good luck and hugs to you

Thanks, I can see that you understand. And it does sound like it would be fairly easy to lose 10 lbs and it would seem that part of it is water weight...but it is pretty constant/ meaning I've been weighing within a pound everyday. This last week I made myself not weigh everyday as the number can just ruin my whole day. And I think I ended up eating more by not knowing the number. When I see the number and it's too high it is easier for my mind to say "restrict".(Not that I am condoning that.)Anyway it doesn't help trying to lose this weight when my boyfriend wants me to gain weight! (He is weird???)

yes i know that looking at the number on the scale deffinately helps to restrict, not eat, etc. But sometimes it is just depressing looking at that number on the scale everyday. At least it is for me. I understand what you mean by the it's hard to try losing this weight when your boyfriend wants you to gain. It's like that with me too. Like i want to lose at least 30 pounds and my husband is like you don't need to lose any weight haha yes my love i do and a lot. I guess it's what makes us happy that counts and for me that is being smaller. Good luck on the ten pounds hon or if you dont mind it than don't worry about it.hugs

damn our inner voices and past lower weights!!!!!!!!!! >:( you are an incredible lady, and here --- borrow my eyeballs (0.0) --- and you can then see for yourself! lol

Thanks Bebe:)

You should NOT have looked!! However, its not that big of a deal. Your boyfriend is prolly happy about it and I bet a million you look amazing! I know you can lose it if you really want to. Don't forget, its that time of year. idk about you but I always seem to lose weight easier when summer is around the corner! I wish you knew how beautiful you are!!

You're right I should have never looked! And I'm sorry to say you are wrong I for sure do not look "amazing". Not to me anyway and that is what matters for my happiness...ya know. And I do lose weight when summer starts to come around. Thank you for your wonderful comments.
You make me smile:)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only