It's running my life...

My ED or my "Body Image" is consuming my life.
Or more the "lack of control of it" is consuming my life.
Every since I turned 45 (3 years ago) I am no longer in control of my weight.
I automatically gained 15 lbs over the years I turned 45-46.
And it does not matter what I do or don't do it seems to be a permanent part of me now.
I have had an ED since I was 12 years old and have controlled what my weight was since that time.
And now the control that I have always had is GONE!
And needless to say I'm not dealing with it well.
I'm not dealing with the extra weight well...but the lack of control is a lot harder to deal with.
I guess I need to look for a therapist.
But I have been in so much treatment over my life I have a bad taste for it in my mouth.
It NEVER went well.
Maybe now that I'm older and I truly would like to accept this lack of control(because I would like my life back.)
Therapy will be different now.
I guess I'll give it a try.