Morning entry....
Dec. 15th, 2011 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassieann_69Good morning all, I slept so late today...I did not even wake up once from 10:30pm until 8:30am!!!
That is not like me at all.
I got Dane off to school yesterday and found out when i dropped him off that today his class is having their D.A.R.E graduation today at 2pm so I will be going to that. I dont know what the DARE letters stand for but it is
a drug prevention course that the local police have the children go through and today they graduate from going thru the program.
Also yesterday I went out to breakfast wtih R after taking Dane to school and ate way,way too much.
I normally weigh everyday but feel so huge today I did not even bother. No point in ruining my day by seeing a number.
Yesterday on my way home my oldest son Blain called very upset (he works overnights so he should have been sleeping.) He asked if he could come over and I told him i was not home but as on my way and would meet him there. I of course asked what was wrong and he said that Stacey (his fiance/girl friend for 5 years) was cheating on him. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I said to him "no way" and he said "yes mom I'm sure".
Evidently he has been noticing her acting differently and noticing some things different when he would come home from work in the morning. Plus she has been texting whom she calls a male friend very very often. She has a lot of guy friends so Blain although he does not like that just put up with it. I'll be the first to admit he is not assertive at all. He did not want to spy on her but says he felt deep in his heart that she was cheating so he told her that he 'KNEW' she was and that they needed to talk. She never really asked how he knew for sure but admitted to it. And after the fact I find out that he caught her cheating just 2 weeks ago but she said she was sorry and it meant nothing and would never happen again and that she wanted to spend her future with him and she wouldn't do anything again to jepordise that. Well I guess she lied because she did do it again.
Blain decided that it had to be the last straw and that he would never be able to trust her again and as much as it hurt he left her and came to stay with me. He is devestated , I try to help as much as I can but he is just going to have to go thru the pain he is feeling. And all I can do is try to be here for him when he needs me.
What I'm really worried about is that she text him last night and wants to see him today after she gets off at noon at their house. I don't know why or what she has to say but w/Blain being so vulnerable right now I really don't think it's a good idea. And I told him so, but that is all I can do and hope for the best. I feel like he is not strong enough and could beg her way back into his heart as she has no where to go and does not make enuf money to make it on her own. And with Blain still having such strong feelings for her I'm afraid he might cave.
And he deserves so much better. I don't want him to live always wondering and never feeling secure. I have talked to him a lot and told him how she can get subsidized housing and she already gets food stamps so she really CAN make it on her own. I just hope for the best if he goes over there today.
I also found out last night that my oldest brother (Mike,43) tried to kill himself Sunday night. He has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and has been taking a lot of medication for years and had been living with my parents for the last 10 years or so. But he recently (about 4 months ago) bought a house and moved out of my parents and is living with his girl friend. He has done nothing but go down hill since then.
Then on Sunday night before he went to bed he took ALL of his pills! every pill from every prescription he takes which is a lot. When Debbie his girl friend found him she called an ambulance and got him to the hospital.
It was the next morning by then and he was still alive! The doctors said that if anybody else would have taken
even half or less of what he took they would have died, but that Mike has built up such an immunity to them that he did not die. He did sleep for a long time and is still in the hospital and once well enough will be transfered to the serious lock down psych ward. I'm not sure if they allow visitors at that point. But I'm sure they will eventually.
My parents are very shaken and we are all scared as to what might happen when he gets out. And none of us really know what triggered his attempt. We do know that he has been on long term disability from his former employer and they recently canceled his benefits deeming him eligible to work. (strange because they did not even consult with his doc's) He is also on SS disability and the loss of employee benefits has caused them to open his case and re-evaluate his status with them. And that maybe the pressure of losing his income sent him over the edge? We really don't know.
So that is what has been happening in my life.
Blain is up now and seems better than yesterday. He just took a shower and is off to get a haircut.
I wish I could help his pain go away. It's terrible to see your child hurt so bad.
Give the people you love a hug and you all have a good day.
XOXO
Cassieann
That is not like me at all.
I got Dane off to school yesterday and found out when i dropped him off that today his class is having their D.A.R.E graduation today at 2pm so I will be going to that. I dont know what the DARE letters stand for but it is
a drug prevention course that the local police have the children go through and today they graduate from going thru the program.
Also yesterday I went out to breakfast wtih R after taking Dane to school and ate way,way too much.
I normally weigh everyday but feel so huge today I did not even bother. No point in ruining my day by seeing a number.
Yesterday on my way home my oldest son Blain called very upset (he works overnights so he should have been sleeping.) He asked if he could come over and I told him i was not home but as on my way and would meet him there. I of course asked what was wrong and he said that Stacey (his fiance/girl friend for 5 years) was cheating on him. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I said to him "no way" and he said "yes mom I'm sure".
Evidently he has been noticing her acting differently and noticing some things different when he would come home from work in the morning. Plus she has been texting whom she calls a male friend very very often. She has a lot of guy friends so Blain although he does not like that just put up with it. I'll be the first to admit he is not assertive at all. He did not want to spy on her but says he felt deep in his heart that she was cheating so he told her that he 'KNEW' she was and that they needed to talk. She never really asked how he knew for sure but admitted to it. And after the fact I find out that he caught her cheating just 2 weeks ago but she said she was sorry and it meant nothing and would never happen again and that she wanted to spend her future with him and she wouldn't do anything again to jepordise that. Well I guess she lied because she did do it again.
Blain decided that it had to be the last straw and that he would never be able to trust her again and as much as it hurt he left her and came to stay with me. He is devestated , I try to help as much as I can but he is just going to have to go thru the pain he is feeling. And all I can do is try to be here for him when he needs me.
What I'm really worried about is that she text him last night and wants to see him today after she gets off at noon at their house. I don't know why or what she has to say but w/Blain being so vulnerable right now I really don't think it's a good idea. And I told him so, but that is all I can do and hope for the best. I feel like he is not strong enough and could beg her way back into his heart as she has no where to go and does not make enuf money to make it on her own. And with Blain still having such strong feelings for her I'm afraid he might cave.
And he deserves so much better. I don't want him to live always wondering and never feeling secure. I have talked to him a lot and told him how she can get subsidized housing and she already gets food stamps so she really CAN make it on her own. I just hope for the best if he goes over there today.
I also found out last night that my oldest brother (Mike,43) tried to kill himself Sunday night. He has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and has been taking a lot of medication for years and had been living with my parents for the last 10 years or so. But he recently (about 4 months ago) bought a house and moved out of my parents and is living with his girl friend. He has done nothing but go down hill since then.
Then on Sunday night before he went to bed he took ALL of his pills! every pill from every prescription he takes which is a lot. When Debbie his girl friend found him she called an ambulance and got him to the hospital.
It was the next morning by then and he was still alive! The doctors said that if anybody else would have taken
even half or less of what he took they would have died, but that Mike has built up such an immunity to them that he did not die. He did sleep for a long time and is still in the hospital and once well enough will be transfered to the serious lock down psych ward. I'm not sure if they allow visitors at that point. But I'm sure they will eventually.
My parents are very shaken and we are all scared as to what might happen when he gets out. And none of us really know what triggered his attempt. We do know that he has been on long term disability from his former employer and they recently canceled his benefits deeming him eligible to work. (strange because they did not even consult with his doc's) He is also on SS disability and the loss of employee benefits has caused them to open his case and re-evaluate his status with them. And that maybe the pressure of losing his income sent him over the edge? We really don't know.
So that is what has been happening in my life.
Blain is up now and seems better than yesterday. He just took a shower and is off to get a haircut.
I wish I could help his pain go away. It's terrible to see your child hurt so bad.
Give the people you love a hug and you all have a good day.
XOXO
Cassieann
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-12-15 05:55 pm (UTC)and so sorry to hear about your brother, I'm glad he didn't die
no subject
Date: 2011-12-15 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-15 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-15 09:37 pm (UTC)And I'm very happy your brother survived. And, I'm guessing he is also. I've survived several attempts myself, and I'm so very happy to be still going.
Lastly, D.rug A.buse R.esistance E.ducation
(not even sure how I know that)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-18 03:28 am (UTC)